I sit and try again
to imagine a future.
To ease my way through the darkness
that has settled over me.
I remind myself to fight,
for the ones who love me
and reach for me,
even when I cannot see the light.
And though it brings me to tears
and feels at times
like it will never belong to me,
I force colour into the fading vision
and hold it gently with everything I have.
♥ One day in the future ♥
It is a summers day
with a bright blue sky.
In the distance I hear the comforting sounds
of lawns being mown and the laughter of children.
I lie in my favourite spot,
at the bottom of the garden,
listening to the birds
and feeling the sun warm my skin.
I let the quiet wrap around me-
Because it is quiet.
Finally,
in my mind.
The hard knot of pain
that I have carried for so long
has loosened thread by thread.
It has slipped away like the creature
it had become.
My son bounds down the garden,
full of light and energy,
to tell me he is going out with friends.
I watch him as he leaves,
all limbs and promise-
not yet a man
but no longer a boy.
He turns at the door
and gives me that beautiful smile,
“Love you, Mum!” he calls.
The words rest softly in my heart.
Our house is small
but it is warm
and full of love.
There are no loft extensions here,
or other grand plans-
Just us,
Just love,
Which brightens every room.
And then, through the gentle haze
of the afternoon sun,
you appear from the side gate.
I smile as I see you walking towards me
My heart stirs
as you come closer,
your shadow touching mine
before your hands do.
When you reach me
and draw me into your arms
I feel safe,
in the way I have always longed for.
When your lips meet mine,
the world steadies.
It is the salve
I have always sought.
I walk carrying light now,
to a future that feels like home.